If family gatherings are supposed to be festive, why do family members sometimes argue when they get together?
The Holidays, special occasions and significant events are wonderful times to bring loved ones together to celebrate.
But if loved ones are so truly “loved”, why is it that, sometimes, they disagree? Why can feuds arise from otherwise happy occasions? Why might people tend toward their lesser feelings toward other family members?
And, for that matter, how do you fix them when they seem so “fixed” in place? Can they ever be resolved?
The apparent explanations of “who did what to whom” and “what happened between mom and grandma” are of little value. After all, do those explanations ever lead to a resolution and a restoration of love and kindness?
With so many years of discord that can happen between relatives, it seems no resolution is at hand, and Holidays can continue for decades to be unpleasant and a catalyst for arguments.
The real answers, however, are not found in the problems between loved ones. The resolution of these problems lies within something that comes naturally to all human beings.
Goodwill, love, compassion, all of these things are actually native, and these hold the answer both to why some families fight and how to restore peace.
The Holidays CAN be happy, even where unhappiness has lived before if you understand this…
Before unhappiness was once happiness, but then this happened…
Whether during the holidays with entire families, the course of a marriage, a friendship or even an alliance or partnership, there were always good intentions and warm feelings toward others that forged the relationship into existence.
But things happen. And, on the surface, it seems pretty apparent what the reasons may be. Someone said something upsetting, one person did the “unthinkable” and angered another, and misgivings and grudges tend to build, lightly at first, but develop as years pass.
Previous feelings of goodness seem a faded, distant memory, occluded by current upset.
And so fights occur.
Factor in the Holidays, their stress and even the blues that can be associated with such times of year and you can begin to understand why such things occur.
The problem isn’t a group problem. It is an individual problem, as families are groups of individuals.
Each person has their own accumulation of loss, hurt, injury, pain and upset throughout their entire life, “haunting” them like Dickens’s “Ghost of Christmas Past” mentioned in the previous article “Holiday Blues, Stress Explained: Scrooge Has the Answer”.
This may be fine on your own, but then you get into a group situation and the past starts to come much more into play. Multiply your experiences times the number of relatives in the room and you can see where things start to break down!
Holiday triggers…
It’s one thing to walk around with unpleasant past experiences, and another altogether to have them triggered.
The environment itself can be such a trigger. A song or movie that makes you feel oddly emotional. A passage you read that made you sad, or news that made you uncomfortable.
But, get together with people who have been close to you throughout all of your experiences, those who have unpleasantries in their own past, and everyone tends to “trigger” each other.
And family feuds are born.
All out of what was once love and togetherness.
But is it all really necessary? Is there another way?
How to un-feud a family feud and restore happiness…
Can you capture the original love that existed before all this feuding? Can you put an end to the fighting and start feeling happy again?
Yes, it is possible. Happiness can be recovered for you and for the family too!
Families have feuded since the beginning of time, it seems, a fact that has become the norm in our culture. And it sometimes seems expected that when families assemble, they are going to argue.
Old grudges, past upsets and just plain ornery inability to get along become amplified when relatives are gathered together, each family member contributing his or her individual misgivings, unspoken grievances and the like.
But, understanding that love and happiness preceded all of this is the answer to undoing group upsets of all kinds. And not just around the Holidays.
By actually recalling and revealing certain past experiences, you can begin to recover the happiness natural to you, and so can others you love and wish to help.
And it isn’t just trauma that you will be recalling.
Buried beneath the fights, some very pleasant experiences can be found too! And recalling them can be joyful and restore a sense of happiness.
How is it done?
Our self-counseling program gives you a guide to finding the right types of things to recall which will help diffuse uncomfortable emotions and recover positive, happy experiences to help restore an overall sense of happiness in the present.
It’s quite a simple program that starts with you taking the 5-minute self-test, the results of which will help us recommend where you should start and to supervise your progress through the self-counseling portion of the program, ensuring you get the best result possible.
The rest will be up to you to find, under our close supervision and guidance.
It is a journey of self-discovery and recovery of happiness many people think has all but disappeared forever. People do recover it and you can too.
